Black Flowers
by brokenseraphim
Summary: In a fantasy we met, masked and dancing we lied, regret, and hurt—he was my captain, I his soldier. He betrayed me, and I swore to kill him,because hating is so much easier than loving him. Change is inevitable. Ichimaru x O.C
1. Drown Me

Summary: Masks upon our faces we danced, deceiving, lying, hurting until all that was left was this regret. In this shadow of a dream let us erase ourselves, and put down these empty smiles.

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BLEACH OR ANYTHING IN IT….sadly**

**Note: Okay people, this is, in fact an OC fic. So before you start panicking and going OMFG AH! I OPENED AN OC FIC ITS SOOOO GONNA BE A MARY SUE! Please just give this a frickin' chance and READ it -.-**

Flower of the chapter:

Shiragiku-White Chrysanthenum

means "Truth"

**CHAPTER 1: Drown Me**

_They watched me, their eyes ever so calculative, so paranoid, silently watching—awaiting the summoning of the Soukyoku. __With those pathetic, wavering eyes they watched, vultures upon a prey, gods upon insects. They were judging me, judging me like they had forgotten everything I had past done, all that mattered to these idiots was punishment and retribution._

_**I hated it.**_

_I hated them all._

_They were all pawns and were all too foolish—too blind to even realize it. They were dolls tugged and pulled by a horrid puppeteer who tugged at their strings mercilessly.__ They were utter fools, idiots. Being the loyal, dependent soldiers they were, they followed without question—without doubt. Foolhardy children in adult bodies they were, yearning to grasp the hand and gain the love of an unknown, invisible God, not aware that Satan was behind the mask of the sky._

_**Utterly pathetic.**_

_Ha._

_For some odd reason it seems as I am describing myself…I always have been a hypocrite. __Such angst I drown myself in, such melodrama like a pathetic, acne-ridden adolescent. __But, despite my accusing thoughts, I worry, w__orry that I was merely fooling my own self, accusing others to escape blame. What is reality and what is fantasy. Illusions have become all I know. That man had taken the simple ability to differentiate between mind and body away from me, and I loathe him so for it._

_My heart __continues to trouble__ me, asking if it had been worth it—what I had done… but, I can not answer. Whatever little resolve I had managed to grasp before has flown through weak fingertips. And now, I am left with naught but self-loathing__ along with so much regret that I feel as though I would crush beneath under the weight of it all. I feel…hopeless, and I hate it._

_**But…**_

_Slowly, I could feel the calm returning, little by little, trying to stable my troubled mind. _

_Oh the irony! Here I am standing on the brink of death and yet, I should not weep like I should. I do not cry out for hopeless salvation. What has become of me? Where has my humanity gone?_

_**I am a monster.**_

_Do I not weep because I know he is watching? Even after all he has put me through, after all he has done…or, rather…__**not**__ done, do I still care how he thinks of me?__ Oh how he has spun me into his detestable web, entwining me between his fingers, tangling me, suffocating me into oblivion.__ Such a pitiable creature I've become._

_My eyes continued to watch him, as the three cubes filled with the Soukyoku's reiatsu lifted me into that wretched sky, but his eyes would not meet mine.__ But since when did he ever return my gaze, ever looked me in the eyes and told me the actual truth? _

_Did he care that I was going to die the death of criminal? Did it matter to him at all? Had it ever mattered to him? Had he ever cared?_

_**No.**_

_In an instant the Soukyoku was released. It blazed and burned, __threatening in its form and promising a painful death it was the personification of justice, or so they say.__ The flames rose until it took the shape of a phoenix, __grand messenger of the dear king who played God so wistfully beyond our lowly eyes._

_In spite of my current position, I couldn't help but scoff, __my spiteful personality coming into play.__ The irony just keeps coming. _

_Phoenix, the sign of rebirth, and yet, here it was to be the death of me.__ The representative of life was here to burn me to ashes, to cease my existence, and to end it all._

_But it was too late now. For what I had lost in my few moments of hopelessness has been found._

_**My resolve.**_

_I didn't want to die here, not anymore. I didn't want to die like a damned law breaking criminal. I wanted to live, I wanted to see him again and ask him all those questions I never had the chance to ask. I wanted to know if he cared. I wanted to know…so much._

_I _**am**_ in pain, I _**do**_ have regrets, and my heart _**is**_ burdened. There were so many things I never had the chance to tell him._

_**Sorry.**_

_For all the trouble I caused, for the burden I've know I've been. I'm so sorry._

_**Thank you.**_

_For all those times you times you picked me up and for at least pretending like you cared. _

_Sorry and thank you those were the two phrases that I would always hold inside of me._

_**But.**_

_Of all the things I could have said as the Soukyoku came rushing at me…the only one that I could utter was the one word that he had taught me._

**Bankai.**

=-=-=-=-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I couldn't help but let out a sigh as I took a bit out of the muffin that lay in my hand. The latest thing I had stolen from that cheap ass Urahara. It had been one of those damned dreams again. It was always the same thing. Night after night I would wake up, bathed in cold sweat a scream echoing from my mouth, and I was honestly to get sick of it. Too many unanswered questions, too many stupid thoughts, it was rather annoying actually.

I bit into the painfully sweet dessert, chewing thoughtfully…Maybe I was being visited by a ghost who lived in my house and was trying to get someone to avenge her like in one of those kiddy cartoons!….no, that couldn't be it…or could it? I shook my head fiercely; hanging out with Orihime was starting to do things to me.

Chuckling at my stupidity, I turned to watch in amusement as none other than the busty airhead was toppled over as she was tackled down by Chizuru, the glasses wearing girl had groped Inoue…at least by the sound of the girl's scream as she was kicked over the head was promising.

Looking around the sea of students that were making there way towards Karakura High School, I couldn't help but spot that all too familiar tuff of orange hair that never failed to stick out like a sore thumb. Kurosaki Ichigo, whoop de doo. Maybe I'll be able to take out my irritation on him for once.

"Ichigo!".

"Yo." He said lifting his hand a bit in acknowledgement.

I frowned at the Carrot-head, resisting the urge to raise an eyebrow at the exhausted look that seemed to plaster itself to his already scrunched face, "Are you okay, Strawberry? You don't look so well."

Ichigo turned red at the nickname that I had gave him since we were little immature children who loved to pass time by picking our noses. "Yeah," he said, "Just didn't get much sleep last night is all." I nodded in understanding, not questioning him any further. That was probably why we got along so well. We never stuck each other's noses into the others business and we knew when to leave each other alone. It was a mutual understanding, besides, irritating the easily annoyed carrot head could happen any time.

At the sound of the bell, we slowly made our way to our home room, and poor Ichigo was attacked immediately upon entering 1-3. Keigo…whose face quickly met Ichigo's fist. I always silently wondered why the brunette bothered to attempt physical contact with Ichigo. Maybe he was a masochist of sorts…that was wrong, on so many different levels.

Ignoring the sulking idiot that he had cruelly abused, the carrot -head sat down in his seat obviously irritated. Sighing and smiling to myself, I hopped over Keigo's twitching body and on into the classroom.

"Eh, Ichigo have you heard? We're going to have a new student today!" Mizuiro shouted excitedly.

Ichigo frowned, "New student? I never heard anything about a new student."

I sat down in my assigned seat, listening half-heartedly. I couldn't say that school affairs particularly interested me since they usually involved nothing more than gossip, gossip, and more gossip.

Mizuiro nodded, "They say that she just turned in her application yesterday and the school accepted her immediately and actually allowed her to start attending today!"

I frowned, obviously confused. Even for a whacked out school like this one, that would never happen…right?

"Oh, so _you're_ Kurosaki Ichigo." An annoyingly chipper voice chimed from behind the orange-haired teen. Ichigo eyes had widened in shock in a rather laughable, "WHOA WTF?!" way and whipped his head around to meet with most likely, the new student…and at that moment, Ichigo did a very un-cool un-Ichigo-ish thing.

He screamed. In a manly way mind you.

Startled, and somewhat frightened at the very out of character act, I found myself falling unceremoniously out of my chair, ass meeting the floor in a flourish of cloth and stings. Gee, what a very jolly morning.

"_YOU!" _Ichigo practically screamed, his finger pointing at something or someone.

I huffed, disgruntled by my sudden fall and followed Ichigo's finger—

"_**You must be Kuchiki Rukia, Kaien-nii speaks of you a lot."**_

_**Violet eyes turned to meet her own. The Noble bowed quickly, "Shiba-san."**_

Pain.

Utter pain. It was blinding.

My head was pounded, and my chest had tightened to the point where it was impossible to breathe. It was as if I was drowning, submerged into a fantasy that could not be mine.

"_**Tell me, Rukia-san, how are you doing? Kaien isn't pushing you too hard is he?**_

"_**No. I'm doing fine, it's not too hard. How about you Shiba-san?"**_

"_**I'm doing just fine too Rukia-san. My Taichou is rather nice to me, and please don't be so formal call me Yame---"**_

I had lost control of my body. My lungs won't breathe, my legs won't move, my heart won't beat. Pressure was all I felt, pressure so immense it felt like I would be crushed, flattened and forgotten.

"_**Nii-sama this is Y------- from third division-. The one I've been telling you about."**_

"_**It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Kuchiki-taichou."**_

I was moaning now. My knees drawn to my chest, arms desperately clinging to my pounding head, fingers wrapping around strands of hair, pulling, tugging. Anything to relieve myself of this pain, because god damn it all, it hurt like hell.

"Yameru! Yameru, what's wrong?" It was Ichigo, stupid, stupid strawberry. I blame him for his stupid out-of-character ness, I'll remember to shoot him later.

There was a flutter of clothing and a small grunt and next thing I knew, the new girl was there, kneeling in front of me. She grabbed my chin, pushing my face up to meet hers.

It _hurt._

=-=-=-=-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Rukia could feel her eyes widened as the name rang though her head.

_Yameru._

She pushed her way through the gathering crowd of students to where Ichigo was bent over. Pushing the mortal aside she reached for the agonized girl's face. With a hint of fear, she wrapped her fingers around her chin and lifted.

**Silver Eyes**

No.

This isn't possible.

Rukia dropped the girl's face and backed away, her own violet eyes were filled with a mixture of confusion and horror. "Yameru…" her voice was not more than a whisper.

The genius shinigami, who was supposedly executed over decades ago by the Soukyoku, Shiba Yameru, was sitting in front of her…**alive**_ and as _a **human.**

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.--..-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

THANX FOR READING

HOLY CRAP, this chpter was HORRIBLE, well the next chapters will be definitely better so please do click "next" button (the review one wouldn't be so bad either .)

Uh, if it seems like Yameru is Mary Sue-ish in any way please tell me. Say how too, so I can fix it and stuff. Especially this chapter she seemed way to Sue-ish for comfort, but don't worry it's a one time thing.

I don't mind criticism at all, so don't be shy about pointing mistakes out--in fact I would rather you do so I can become a better writer.

Chapter 2: A look into the past, and the first time Shiba Yameru encounters Ichimaru Gin, a man who changed her life forever.


	2. Those Eyes

Hey people, this brokenseraphim

Hey people, this is brokenseraphim!!

I'm extremely sorry for the extremely long wait, but I've finally decided (after months) to get off my lazy ass and type this out!! So I'm back and with a vengeance, I really am sorry for not updating sooner, so I poured my heart and soul into this chapter for all you readers out there!!

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** This chapter is meant to follow along the lines of episode 46. Some of the dialogue is included, but keep note that it is NOT meant to be exactly the same. Minor changes were made to accommodate the OC.

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BLEACH… so very depressing…**

Flower of the Chapter:

Ederwaisu-Edelweiss

means "Courage and Power"

**CHAPTER 2: Those Eyes**

Bored grey eyes flickered to and fro, watching lazily as students shuffled around the rooftop in a violent flurry of blue and red. She didn't bother to cover her mouth as she yawned, her eyes fluttering closed with fatigue.

**SMACK!**

She winced as the small, but sharp pain shot through her head. Rubbing her abused skull she turned her head towards the owner of the offending hand, her lips pushed out in a pout. She grimaced as she was met with nothing more than a glare.

Sighing in defeat, the girl struggled to her feet, all the while trying not to trip over her own clothes which she seemed to have grown a talent of. Ignoring those glaring yes, she brushed the imaginary dust off her hakama before returning to her half-asleep state.

The man beside her mimicked her sigh, "Can't you at least act like you care, Yameru?"

Beginning to think that there was no way for her to obtain some extra shut-eye; Yameru swung her arm across her chest and stretched, trying to loosen her sore muscles. "Yeah, yeah, I hear you Hisagi-_sama._"

At the sound of respectful honorific being attached to his name, his glare immediately disappeared and was replaced with a somewhat disturbing grin. His mind was no doubt starting to fill up with…_interesting_ thoughts.

Rolling her eyes at her friend's obvious reaction, Yameru mutter something under her breath that sounded suspiciously similar to "Pervert."

Stuffing her hands into the pockets of her hakama, Yameru did her best to stay attentive…really she tried, honestly…it's just that it didn't work out so well…and she found herself dozing off once more.

She shook her head vigorously and rubbed her eyes harshly in attempt to rid herself of her exhaustion. Huffing, she cursed Shuuhei for her obvious lack of sleep.

Yameru had been gladly planning to laze off that morning since the sixth-round students were given a day off due to the younger classmen's field training in the real world. She had decided to sleep in all morning before waking up at noon to go train with Kaien-nii but her hopes had been crushed ruthlessly when she found herself being woken up by none other than her classmate Hisagi Shuuhei. The bastard had jumped on her in her sleep, claiming that desperate times called for desperate measures. He had then proceeded to drag her to the restroom and ungracefully dump her into a bathtub filled with icy cold water.

And it hadn't been until after Yameru had emerged from the bathroom dripping wet when Shuuhei had decided to explain. Apparently, he had been given a squad assignment which was his "life's dream." But then again, with Shuuhei, _everything_ was his life's dream. And as the leader of the assignment, he had been given the choice of choosing two fellow sixth-round students to go accompany him. Unfortunately, Yameru had been one of those two "honored" students.

Thus, here she was, having one of the crappiest mornings of her life and had been pathetically reduced to staring at a pebble in order to stay awake. She swore, that one day, she would wipe that cocky smirk off Shuuhei's face and dump _him_ into a freezing cold bath tub, all the while laughing like a crazy maniac.

She grinned. Now_ that_ was a nice thought.

The tattooed man couldn't help but shudder as he caught the grin that was on Yameru's face. He could tell that whatever she was thinking was not good—for him at least. Deciding to ignore it for now, he ran a hand through his dark hair, seeing that the freshmen had finally ordered themselves into neat rows, and turned to give them his attention.

"First, we'll do some simple introductions," his voice rang out, "I'm sixth round student, Hisagi Shuuhei." He couldn't help but smirk inwardly as the students automatically silenced at the sound of his name.

"I'm Aoga," came the deep, gruff voice of his fellow classmate.

Shuuhei waited for the third voice to make itself known. Glancing to his left he couldn't help but twitch when he found Yameru still staring at the pebble by her feet. Trying to keep his image and not burst out yelling at her, he forced himself to calmly state, "This one here is Shiba Yameru."

At the sound of her name, her head snapped up, grey eyes meeting with dozens of curious ones. Her head finally processing what was going on, she raised her right hand and waved slightly in greeting, "Nice to meet you."

Releasing yet another sigh, Shuuhei felt his shoulders droop, "The three of us will be your guides."

He could already tell that this wasn't going to go well.

**border--border--border--**

Renji looked around at the rows of students that surrounded him. His morning had been an awesome one so far. He had woken up early and hadn't even felt like complaining. After completing his daily morning routine of taking a piss, dressing, and grabbing some lunch for later, he had encountered Rukia on his way to the rooftop and had proceeded to kick her ass, rub his skills in her face and walk away with a cool exiting speech. Along with that, he was now waiting to go on his first field training session.

Oh yeah, today was definitely going to be great. Renji could tell.

He let his brown eyes scan the crowds of Shinigami Academy students, his ears picking up whispered rumors. His interest piqued, Renji leaned over to ask Kira about them, finally noticing the rather constipated look that contorted his blonde haired friend's face.

"What the heck? Are those senpai famous?" He said in obviously confused voice.

Kira turned quickly to answer his ignorant friend's question, "You don't know? Not "those" but the one on the right and in the middle. Hisagi Shuuhei. He's the first in ten years to receive a squad assignment before graduating. The one on the right—the girl--her name's Shiba Yameru. Sister to thirteenth squad's fuku-taichou. Rumors have it that she's able to use daisho and has already mastered shikai….but they're only rumors. Everyone says that the two of them will become seated officers in whatever squad they join."

And then Kira's posture completely changed. His hands now on his chin, his lips curled in a smirk, and Renji could have sworn he saw his blue eyes twinkle. "And by the way, Hisagi-senpai failed twice on his entrance exam for this academy, whilst Shiba-senpai is well-known for being lazy and sleeping through all her classes. In that sense, my talent may be higher than both of them since I passed at the top of my class."

Renji raised an eyebrow, "Oh…?" He ignored Kira who was still off in his own little world to examine these two "extraordinary" senpai. He couldn't help but snort at what he saw. Hisagi Shuuhei looked like some crude pervert with the tattoo of a 69 on his left cheek, while, on the other hand, Shiba Yameru looked like she was about to drop dead at any second, her body was teetering back and forth, as if she was having a hard time staying awake.

He crossed his arms across his chest. Some amazing people they were.

Renji and Kira were knocked out of their thoughts as Hisagi started to speak again, "Okay then, starting now, we'll have you conduct activities in groups of three. Look at the cards we had you pick earlier and form groups with those with the same markings."

As students walked around to look for their respective groups, Renji and Izuru were glad to see that they had been fortunately teamed up. The two classmates stood there, Kira glancing around for their third member while Renji examined his paper closely, "I knew these were for something like that."

"But it's groups of three right? Where's the third?" Izuru continued to search around, craning his neck to look around for their last teammate.

Renji merely shrugged, silently hoping it wasn't anyone useless or annoying.

"Um…" the two boys turned to look at the small girl who was addressing them, "pleasure to work with you."

"Aw, it's just Hinamori." Renji said, stating the obvious as he usually did.

Kira offered the petite classmate a smile, "Pleasure to work with you."

**border--border--border--**

Yameru groaned as she held the back of head where Shuuhei had yet again smacked her, his excuse being that she had embarrassed him in front of the younger classmen. She glared at him; he obviously just enjoyed torturing her.

Aoga's deep voice resounded through the rooftop, "Okay, everyone's in groups?" The question of course, had been rhetorical. "Now, we'll give you a full summary of today's field training. Sixth round students awaiting us in the living world have created a barrier surrounding an appropriately sized area. We will have you conduct combat training therein with dummy Hollows."

Yameru placed her hand back into her pockets, giving the other students her usual impression of indifference.

Aoga talked too much, she decided. Especially for someone who was only there because Shuuhei had offered the spot. She, herself had only been told that morning so she did not know the specifics, which was why she didn't bother to speak up. She could only guess that this training session would be like that past ones she had taken part in.

Shuuhei took over the explanation, his voice commanding more authority, "While we sixth round students will prepare an easy location to fight in, we won't assist in the combat itself. Got that?"

Obediently, the younger classmen shouted, "Yes, sir!"

Scoffing, Yameru knew that such a response would only continue to stimulate Shuuhei's straining ego even more than it already was.

"Okay, let's go," Turning, the three senpais now faced the wooden door behind them. Raising a hand to the door, Hisagi shouted, "Unlock!"

Following behind, Yameru frowned. She could only hope that this practice session would be perfectly fine. But she couldn't ignore the nagging feeling that clutched at her stomach.

**border--border--border--**

Two hours later

**border--border--border--**

Looking at the now gathering students, Yameru spoke softly, "It's about time to pull out."

Aoga yawned, "Looks like we finished, safe and sound."

Yameru just nodded hesitantly. It wasn't over yet; anything could go wrong at the last minute, she knew this. And she couldn't let go of the ominous feeling that hovered her. "Yeah…"

Bringing his hand up to hold the silver communication collar around his neck, Shuuhei spoke, "This is Hisagi at the rallying point. Barrier team, what's your status?" There was a pause. "Hey respond! What's wrong barrier team? Can you hear me? Hey answer me! Hey!"

Yameru turned to him, worry etched onto her face, "What's wrong?"

Hisagi's brows furrowed, obviously as confused as she was, "Something's wrong. No one from the Barrier team is responding."

Yameru frown was wiped from her face as her eyes widened. "Shu—Shuhei!"

The pervert looked up at her, "What?"

She lifted her hand, directing her finger at something behind him, her arm trembling all the while, "What is that?"

**border--border--border--**

The trio laughed as they walked through the dark streets of the real world. (They would never understand why humans made all their buildings so tall.) But the three didn't let the gloomy atmosphere affect them the slightest bit as the made their way to the rendezvous point. They had managed to defeat their first Hollow, and although it had been nothing more than a fake, the three freshmen couldn't help but feel proud at their accomplishment.

They had used a brilliant triple play where Renji had chased the masked figure out, leading it towards Hinamori who then blasted a Kido at the Hollow, and Kira had taken advantage of its momentary blindness and had sliced the beast in half for an awesome finale.

But, as was expected, Renji kept boasting about how he could have taken on the Hollow by himself. Thus, here they were, walking side by side through the eerily silent streets, Renji ranting, Hinamori rolling her yes, and Kira smiling at his friends' antics.

The next thing they knew, they were frozen to where they stood. Their smiles fading from their faces as a nerve-wracking scream reached their ears.

"What's that?" Renji questioned, almost expecting an answer from one of his two companions.

Hinamori's face mirrored his own: scared and shocked. "What could it be?"

"Let's hurry!" Renji nodded at Kira's order.

The team turned the corner that led to their designated meeting area, the source of that bone-chilling scream. They stopped in their tracks at the terrifying scene that lay before them.

Renji, his voice laced with fear, managed to gasp, "Wh-what is that? It's huge!"

**border--border--border--**

Shuuhei's eyes were wide, "Damn, a Huge Hollow?" His face was taught, fingers twitching nervously.

Yameru stood unmoving, her hands fisted in her hakama in fear. It was impossible! How could they have not notice this thing's approach? No matter how much she thought about it she could find no reasonable explanation whatsoever.

She was knocked out of her reverie as she staggered forward. Yameru snapped her head up watching as Aoga, who had pushed past her, charge towards the hollow, his zanpaktou waving recklessly.

His eyes were bright and his face grinning, "I'll kill you, you bastard, that way; it will be _me_ who has become the hero!"

The fool! How could he possibly think that he could take on a Huge Hollow all by himself? Yameru knew that Aoga was a spiteful man, who would take all chances he had to reach fame—but she did not think that he would go this far as to practically commit suicide.

"Don't Aoga!" Hisagi had screamed. But his words did not reach their classmate's ears, or maybe he had merely chosen to ignore them, but either way would have given the same outcome.

The students watched in grim horror as their classmate was thrown aside, as if he were nothing more than an insignificant fly.

"Aoga!"

Yameru averted her eyes, not wanting to watch the gory scene that lay before her. And it was then that she finally noticed that the freshmen were still there, standing uselessly, their mouths agape. Her disgust was replaced with anger and she shouted, "You idiots, run! Run as far as you can, and don't look back!"

The sound of her voice seemed to break their stupor, and a second later they were running, as she had ordered, screaming for their lives pathetically.

She turned to her remaining team member, their eyes met and he nodded in understanding.

Grasping his communication collar again, Shuuhei pushed a different button from before as he spoke, "Soul Society, requesting assistance. This is sixth round leader, Hisagi Shuuhei! Under attack by Huge Hollow at living world point number 1026, mark 2128."

The mentioned hollow had stayed immobile ever since Aoga's rush. It seemed to mindlessly stare at the foolish man's now silent body. Casting her attention swiftly back to her younger classmen, Yameru noticed that there were only three left. Two males, a blonde and redhead, were tugging desperately at their female partner's arms.

Her eyes narrowing as she turned to face them, "You morons! You all need to get out of here before you die!"

The redhead had said something, but Yameru could not hear a single word. However, it had made an effect on his female partner, and now, she too, was running, albeit hesitantly.

Growling at the worthlessness of the younger classmen, she focused her concentration on the Hollow before her. Apparently, it had snapped out of its daze and it now stared at its two new preys.

Shuuhei had finally finished his call to Sereitei, "Yameru!"

She nodded at him, understanding fully what he wanted. Swiftly drawing her katana from her sheath, she sprinted to the right while Hisagi moved towards the Hollow's left. It was a basic battle tactic, and the two could only hope it would work—or, at least, give them time.

**border--border--border--**

It had all happened in slow motion. One of the sixth round students had started screaming, his face showing nothing more than madness. He had rushed at that monstrous hollow, shouting about the glory and fame that would be his, and then he had been thrown aside—like nothing. The hollow's sharp claw had pierced him, puncturing his body, and his death had become inevitable. The poor man's eyes had been wide in what seemed to be disbelief. The attack had been so sudden, so unexpected, he probably couldn't even register that he was on the brink of death.

Renji could feel the cold, unforgiving fingers of trepidation curl around his heart, as his mind replayed that scene over and over again, and for a moment, he could not move. His body was glued to where he stood; the imminent doom that hovered around him had begun to suffocate him, rendering him immobile.

Then, he heard it. The angered voice of his senpai ordering them to all run, to take what hope there was left for survival and escape with it. Almost immediately, his brain took its rightful reign over his body once more, and he could move again.

He grabbed at Kira, who had yet to take a step from where he first set his blue eyes on the hollow, "Idiot, that's a real Hollow! We got to run!"

It took a few moments for the young noble's brain, which had become sluggish with dread, to fully comprehend his red-headed companion's words. When they had finally clicked, his body swerved swiftly in the other direction, his body poised to run. But, once again, Kira froze, his blue eyes glancing up to meet Renji's brown ones, he questioned, "A-abarai-kun…Hinamori-kun, where is she?"

Renji looked back at him, shocked. Fear gripped at him once more, Hinamori was nowhere to be seen. He cursed under his breath, "Shit! Where did she go?"

The two scanned the crowds of panicked bodies, searching for that familiar face. Then, Renji saw her, a lone body standing still in the sea of terrified classmates. He ran towards her, and by the footsteps that followed behind he could tell that Kira, too, had spotted her.

They had managed to reach her after what seemed to be an eternity. They each grabbed one her arms, tugging. But she didn't budge. That painfully blank face continued to stare at the hollow before her.

"What are you doing, Hinamori-kun," Kira shouted, desperate to get away, "She told us to run away! Their orders are absolute!

The blank look on her face melted away, her dark eyes now determined, "But…"

Renji looked at her, scared at what thoughts may be going through the young girl's mind, "It's useless! A sixth rounder was killed in an instant, we stand no chance."

She looked up at the two, and nodded slowly, although hesitantly, she allowed them to pull her back, away from danger. But… That word kept ringing through her head till she could take it no longer. She ripped her arms from their grip and turned to face them, her eyes threatening to pull over with tears.

"I-I'm sorry. But, I can't! I can't just run away when there are people in danger." With those words she pivoted on her heel and ran.

They shouted after her, pleading for her to stop and run with them, but it was useless.

Renji frowned. Like hell he was going to let Hinamori go out there alone. "Let's go kick some ass Kira."

The blonde nodded, his lips set in a thin line, "Yes."

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"Shuuhei!" Yameru watched in horror as her leader and friend was thrown against the hard concrete building, a scream of pain erupting from his mouth. Infuriated, she thrust her left hand up, "Hado! Number 4, Byakurai!"

The kido was simple, however, without an incantation it did not do as much damage as it could have, but it served its purpose. The Hollow had reeled back, clutching at its forehead where the spell had hit. Using its blindness as an advantage, Yameru jumped onto its shoulder, dragging her katana against its arm as she went, creating a line of blood to appear. The wound was trivial, but it was a good distraction.

As the Hollow screamed, its body jerked, stumbling back and forth, crashing among the buildings in its pain. Yameru took the chance to run to Hisagi. She knelt before him, taking his face into her hands; she pushed his head up to meet her's.

She could feel her mind being enveloped in concern and fear as she saw his condition. The entire right side of his face was covered in blood. "Shu-Shuuhei?"

Her classmate looked back up at her through his good eye, "Don't worry about it." His voice was struggling to stay even. The fool! Yameru wanted to hit him, if he hadn't been hurt already. He was trying to act tough, even though his eyes clearly revealed his suffering.

Ignoring his groaned protests, she took his arm and threw it over her shoulder, attempting to support him.

There was a roar, and Yameru's head shot up, eyes widening as she saw that the Hollow had recovered from her previous attack. Grunting, she jumped, as the beast blasted a ball of blue flame in their direction.

She hissed in pain as her right ankle bent awkwardly where she landed, twisting uncomfortably under their combined weight. But, by the time she had recovered, the Hollow was already facing her, getting ready to attack once more. Yameru knew she could not dodge the next hit. It was impossible, not with her holding Shuuhei and barely even being able to stand herself. Bringing her katana up as a feeble attempt to guard from the oncoming onslaught, she closed her eyes, waiting for the blow that would deliver her into death's hands.

But…it never came.

Her eyes burst open, "You guys…" It was them. The group of freshmen who had that had she had seen before.

"Our deepest apologies senpai! We are disobeying orders." The blonde one spoke, his teeth gritted as his arms shook under the pressure of the Hollow's arm.

"We came to save you, so overlook it, alright senpai?" This time, it was the one that she had secretly deemed, Red Pineapple-san when she had first lay eyes on him.

Yameru couldn't resist the small smile that came to her lips. It seemed like the freshmen did have some balls or these three did at least.

The girl that she recognized as the one who had stood still amok the running bodies brought her sword up, "Ye lord, mask of blood and flesh, all creation, flutter of wings…"

The two boys thrust the claws that they held at bay aside, "ye who bears the name of man, inferno and pandemonium…"

"The sea barrier surges, march on to the south!"

Yameru immediately recognized the kido, bringing her hand around Shuuhei's body, she placed it next to her other hand in the proper casting posture.

Together they shouted, "Hado, number 31, Shakkaho!"

A red light burst from their palms, hitting the Hollow head on. The beast staggered, bringing its claws to cover its face once more.

The one named Kira yelled, "Senpai, now, while we have the chance!"

"Yeah!"

Shuuhei pushed himself off her weakly, "I can run by myself."

She looked at him, doubting his words, but she could see that the Hollow was recovering quickly, and decided to trust him. "Okay."

The five Shinigami-in-training ran, their fear fueling them to run ever faster. Yameru winced as her ankle continued to throb beneath her with every step. But, she could take it.

"How could such a big ass Hollow get so close?" Yameru turned her head to glance at the speaker, Red Pineapple-san.

She shook her head, "I don't know. I've never heard of it, but…" she bit her lip, a habit that Kaien-nii always complained about, "The best answer I can come up with is that it can hide its reiatsu."

"We can't defeat that Hollow with our strength!" The blonde's voice openly revealed his panic. "What can we do?"

Shuuhei spoke next, his words coming out in pained gasps, "I requested assistance from Soul Society. We'll just have to evade it until help comes."

But such a feat proved to impossible as the five reached a wide open space, devoid of those cursed buildings. They all froze. Yameru knew the others felt it too, that pressure that pushed down on them, threatening to suffocate their entirety.

_Hollows._

They ripped through the sky, their hideous forms exposing themselves to fearful eyes. Dozens of them appeared, one after another until the students were completely surrounded. Those blank eyes peered through white masks as they examined their quarry.

"I-it can't be!" It was the first time Yameru had heard Hinamori speak, and she was sorry to find that it did not leave the best of impressions. The poor girl was trembling, her body threatening to crumple at the sheer terror of it all.

Renji gritted his teeth, "The bastard called its friends!"

"This many Huge Hollows," Shuuhei heard his voice trail off as he tightened his hold around his sword, "It's impossible."

Kira was shaking, more than anyone else. Yameru shot a worried glance at the quivering blonde. There was something in his blue eyes that bordered insanity.

"It's not real…this…NO…I don't want to die! I don't want to die!" The male let out a terrifying scream, his entire body shaking with its intensity. And then it stopped as the wind was knocked out of him and he fell to his knees.

He looked up, his sky-colored eyes revealing the shock that had replaced his panic, his hand coming up to clutch as his cheek where he had been struck.

Yameru glared down at him, her usually calm face contorted in disgust, "Get a hold of yourself! How can you possibly expect to become a Shinigami if you let yourself fall into hopelessness so easily? You disgrace us all by calling yourself a Shinigami-in-training!"

With those words, she pivoted on her heel, her back now facing him. She winced slightly as she gripped her katana. The blow she had delivered that deranged blonde had split open the skin on her knuckles, allowing blood to freely flow down her fingers.

'Kaien…' her brother's name flashed inside her mind for a split second. 'Forgive me, but…I'm afraid that I'm going to have to try—just this once.' Her resolve confirmed, she brought her left hand to grasp the wakizashi that hung at her waist, drawing it in a swift tug.

The sixth round leader watched in shock and interest at his friend's actions. For years Shuuhei had seen her walk around with that wakizashi hanging around her waist, but not once did he ever see her draw it.

Knowing that there was more than one set of eyes on her, Yameru breathed in deeply to calm herself. Hopelessness she had called it—that overpowering feeling that threatened to drown them all in its weight. It was something that she had promised herself that she wouldn't fall victim to ever again, and here she was once more at its mercy. But she wouldn't let it control her. Not again. Not ever.

Bringing her arms up, she crossed the two blades over each other. Her voice was not more than a whisper and she spoke, "Nakig—"

Yameru felt her voice escape her as blood began to drip down her cheek, pain shooting through her body. Wide grey eyes watched as a silver blade shot out in front of her, cutting through the Hollow she had been targeting smoothly.

A calm, suave voice cut through the heavy silence that hung over the five students, "Sorry for the wait, we've come to assist."

Shuuhei's voice that had been choked back in anticipation was free once more, "You men are…Fifth squad…Aizen-taichou! Ichimaru-fuku taichou!"

Yameru turned hastily at the sound of the names of the two all too familiar squad leaders, blood splattering to the ground as it flew off her face. Her pleading eyes were met with none other than the two Shuuhei announced—fifth squad's captain and his subordinate stood feet away, slowly approaching the once fearful students.

The brown haired man reached out a broad hand as they finally reached to where they stood, his fingers gently caressing the top of Hinamori's head in an affectionate gesture. "You stuck out well. You must've been scared. Everything's all right now. You can rest, and leave it to us."

But, Yameru did not look up at the kind captain, but rather to his lieutenant and the sword that he held in his pale hand. The short blade was stained crimson with what she recognized as her own blood.

She hardly noticed as the two saviors walked past her, Aizen to her right, Ichimaru to her left. The silver-haired man's shoulder pushed into hers and she stumbled slightly at the sudden force.

"Whew," the fox faced fuku taichou whistled, "this here's quite a number of 'em." At the sound of his voice, Yameru turned, her long black tresses flying in all directions. "Ikorose, Shinsou."

It had been for nothing more than a split second, but her desperate grey eyes had caught it, the moment where the fifth division lieutenant who was known for his cunning appearance had opened his eyes. It was only for an instant but she had seen it—the crimson that lay under ever closed eye lids…and it burned its presence into her mind.

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Yameru felt a frown tug at her lips, threatening to shadow her face in sorrow as she looked at her friend. The blood had been wiped from Shuuhei's face, but never the less, the grimace of pain remained, as did three, bright red lines that streaked down from his face where the Hollow had scratched him.

Her own wounds had been healed. Her knuckles were now wrapped in fresh white bandages, and it had been established that her right ankle was sprained, lightly though, which she was thankful for.

Yameru examined her leader's face sadly. Having been friends with Shuuhei for a long time, she knew that he had instances of vanity, and the fourth squad members had made it known that the scratch marks were there to stay.

She stood, attempting to force her weight onto one foot. Thinking about the wound on Shuuhei's cheek made her think of the one that tainted her own. She saw the man that had inflicted the cut on her a few meters away, talking to his captain. Yameru was never one to stare, but she could not help herself as her eyes came upon his lithe form. Her bandaged fingers rose, subconsciously brushing against the thin, tell-tale line where his "Shinsou" had ripped through her skin, and her thoughts began to wander.

It was shocking, to say the least. Ichimaru's sword had extended in its shikai form, mercilessly cutting through hollow after hollow, showing no sign of difficulty. Then, enraged, a Huge Hollow that had resembled a bull had raised its fist against Aizen-taichou, and the captain had done nothing short of obliterating it. By reading its reiatsu, it was easy to see that the bull-hollow had been the strongest of them all, their leader perhaps, but the captain had only lifted his hand and had destroyed it without a single sign of effort.

Yameru snapped herself out of her thoughts and that was when she realized that the victim of her staring had turned to face her, his grin slowly twitching wider if at all possible. She turned rapidly, twisting her injured ankle by accident. Despite the pain, she could feel a steady blush crawl up her cheeks. She felt ashamed of her lack of composure.

Taking a cautious glance back, she saw that the silver haired lieutenant had turned his attention back to his captain, now talking animatedly to the brunette. Sighing in relief, the black haired sixth round student limped her way back to Shuuhei and sat beside him.

She closed her eyes as she felt her old friend rest his head against her shoulder, the day's events and fatigue finally catching up to him. Letting out another sigh, she let her head fall back against his, Shuuhei's dark hair tickling her chin. The sleep that she had been all too eager to grasp that morning slowly found its way back to her, embracing her in its warm arms.

That night, she dreamt of a silver haired fox, with bright red eyes.

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Dictionary—

Hakama: traditional Japanese clothing that resembles a wide pleated skirt, pretty much the pants that all the shinigami where, except in Shinigami academy, girl's uniform is red and boy's are blue

Sixth round: pretty much means student in their senior year

Daisho: Japanese fighting style using two swords literally means "long and short"-Captain Kyoraku and Captain Ukitake use this style.

Kido: just the type of magic they use in Bleach you know

Huge Hollow: kind of self explanatory, ne? It's a type of classification of hollows.

Hado: a sub-section of Kido, literally means "Way of Destruction"

Byakurai: a Hado spell, White Lightning

Shakkaho: another Hado spell, Red Flame Cannon

Wakizashi: a sword that's shorter than the usual length of a katana also the second blade used in the "daisho" style. Gin's zanpaktou is a wakizashi. Usually a wakizashi is not used in battle unless fighting with daisho. It resembles a Samurai's honor and such.

Ikorose: Shoot to death

--uh yeah, I included this in case any one didn't know it, if I got anything wrong; feel free to correct me please.

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Thanks for reading, I greatly appreciate it.

Also, if you guys think that Yameru is getting mary-sue ish just tell me okay? And tell me how too, so I can attempt to fix it!

And remember to review, review, review!!

Extra note: currently searching for a beta, if anyone would like to offer, I'd be grateful

Chapter 3: back in the modern day. Yameru finds herself recovering from the day's earlier events and Rukia goes to Urahara to ask him some questions.


	3. Change is Usual

Summary: In dreams we met, in hopes we fought, in tears we died. This one last time, let me hold you--A tale of two shinigami who thought that being gods of death meant having to give up everything they ever believed in, and regretting every moment of it.

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BLEACH OR ANYTHING IN IT….sadly**

**Note: There's a lot of time changes in here, so yeah, be sure to pay attention to those details. This chapter also has a lot going on, and it's all pretty damn important! **

Flower of the chapter:

Sakurasu-Primrose

Means "desperate"

**CHAPTER 3: Change is Usual**

The first thing I remember was darkness.

Blinking a few times in attempt to get my eyes to adjust, I felt a frown tug at my lips. I knew this place. I knew the faint smell of sweet sugar mixed with the odor of rotting wood, knew the cramped feeling like the walls were going to cave in, I knew everything. There was a sudden deafening crash to the right followed by a chorus of screams, groans, and curses. Oh yes, I knew this place, and regretfully so.

Sitting up, I immediately felt the dizziness take over and crumpled back onto the cheap, itchy futon beneath me. Silently cursing my stupidity for getting up so fast I let a few seconds tick by before slowly struggling to my feet, mentally noting that I was wearing a pair of pajamas. Taking a deep breath of air to brace myself for the guaranteed irritation to come, I let my bare feet take me forwards and opened the thin door in front of me, watching as the expected chaos broke loose.

"Ah! Yameru-chan back from the dead are we?"

"Yameru-san, are you feeling fine, or would you like to rest more?

"OI! FREELOADER, finally got your ass up, eh? Hurry up and fetch the food from the kitchen, slave."

I gave a half-hearted glare at the last speaker, "Shut your mouth Jinta, I do more work around here than you do."

"She's got a point there, you know," Urahara said, ever present grin plastered across his face, "Come, sit with us Yameru."

Mentally rolling my eyes, I did as he said and took a seat between Tessai and Ururu, the two of the four that didn't make me want to throw myself over a well screaming bloody murder…even if Tessai did almost kill me with his expired cold medicine before and Ururu's antennae like bangs made my face itch to the point where I felt like ripping them off her head…

I thanked the muscular man as he placed a bowl of plain white rice in front of me, "So, Urahara-san, care to explain why I'm in this cursed place and not sleeping happily in my own apartment?"

Urahara flashed me a creepy smile, his hand coming up from the table to snap his fan in front of his face, "My, my, don't tell me you don't remember Yameru-chan." His voice was as usual, annoyingly teasing and overly sweet.

Swallowing a chunk of rice down, my brows furrowed, "What do you mean 'don't remember'? Get to the point."

I swore his eyes twinkled. Fanning himself, he bowed his head, that ugly striped hat shadowing over half his face and he spoke, "You fainted during your class, quite the embarrassing sight I must say. Out like the dead you were, completely still for two days."

The piece of potato I had been chewing on suddenly became completely lodged in my throat, there was a grunt and Tessai, using his damned strength smacked my spine (snapping in half, I'm sure), and out flew a half-chewed chunk of vegetable right at Urahara who managed to block it with his fan, "Two days!? Are you screwing with me? The exam is in TWO weeks, I'm going to fail, DAMN IT!"

My head snapped to the side as Tessai whacked me on the head with his chopsticks, "Watch your language."

Glaring at him and then back at Urahara, I huffed, "Sorry."

Chuckling, obviously amused by my suffering, Urahara nodded towards Tessai, "No worries Yameru-chan—"

"I told you to stop calling me that."

"—Tessai your uh…_legal guardian_ took care of everything for you. Your homework from the past two days and uniform have been washed and are ready for you to take with you." He threw his abused fan to the side, "Aren't I just such a great daddy?"

I ignored his last comment and turned to Tessai eyebrow raised, "Legal guardian? You have to got to be kidding me. You didn't actually _go_ to the school did you." The huge man nodded, pushing his sunglasses further up his nose. I refused the urge to snort out loud, he was actually _proud_ of it. "Ew, no one saw you did they?" He flinched at the question, and I let out a sigh. Putting my chopsticks down I stood from the table, "Where's my stuff?"

Tessai stood stiffly, not bothering to look at me—he was probably still mad at the "Ew" comment. After ten minutes I had found my books, bag, and managed to change into my school uniform without that stupid pervert Urahara trying to take a peek just to tick me off.

Not bothering to wave good bye to the four residents, I put on my worn shoes and walked out the shop's door, I was going to see them tomorrow anyways; after all it was a Saturday. Wrapping my arms around my frame as a lame attempt to shield myself from the cold, I started the short walk from Urahara Shoten to my little rundown apartment building.

Five minutes passed and I was sure the world would stop trying to prank me when there was a sudden chill at the center of my chest and what sounded like an explosion. Pivoting on my foot, I faced the empty alley behind me. Eyes furrowed, I frowned, examining the darkness for a moment before going back on my initial way. I could have sworn I felt Ichigo's presence. Not only his, but Orihime's too, along with another who I could not name. I shook my head, shrugging the feeling off, it was probably just my imagination, after all I _was_ just out cold for two days, apparently from exhaustion. I'm sure I just needed some more rest.

However, the feeling did not fade or go away; it stayed ever present, tugging at the back of my mind. The curiosity continued to nag at me even after my cold shower and as I brought my old, grey blankets up to my chin—I could have sworn I had even heard a shrill scream in the distance. But soon enough, my mind took pity on me and slowly my eyelids began to droop, the tension that had built slowly drifted away with my consciousness, and I welcomed the warm embrace of sleep.

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**NEXT DAY**

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"Ugh!" I groaned in frustration at the damned book in front of me, "Stupid, stupid math." I didn't see why we needed to learn this crap anyways, it wasn't like we were going to use it often, if at all. Flipping my pencil, I erased the millionth mistake I made in that hour alone, the eraser already starting to wear down to its metal casing.

The only mathematics I could take was using the cashier at Urahara Shoten, which was where I was now, absolutely aggravated out of my mind and surrounded by dirty rubber residue. What I didn't understand though was why the shop needed a cashier at all. A customer came about once in two weeks, and that was considered a miracle. Not to mention when here, they would never actually buy any candy but rather just ask to talk to Urahara or Tessai, and they would never tell me what it was about. It was a wonder how Urahara managed to pay me minimum wage, pay bills, and buy house supplies when he hardly had any customers. I had a notion that Urahara was really doing business with some dirty, underground yakuza. The description fit him creepily well.

Sighing, I wrote out problem number sixty. Well at least if the police found me, I could tell them I was kidnapped at a young age and forced to keep their secret, and for all I know they could have been. All my life, I was here, working side jobs at the Urahara Shoten, no family or relatives had ever come to visit. So I had jus t figured that it wasn't such a big deal, especially if Urahara never mentioned anything.

I was in the middle of calculating the square root of 379 ( I had to do all my work by hand since my 15,00 yen calculator had mysteriously disappeared )when there was a sudden commotion outside. At first, I thought it was the usual: Jinta screaming at Ururu for no logical reason. I swear, one day I was going to stuff that base-ball obsessed brat down a frickin' chimney and let him choke on the soot. However, I was proven wrong as another person joined in on the action and Tessai's booming voice announced the arrival of the stranger.

"Ah, Kuchiki-dono, how can we help you today?"

There was a faint chatter and a rustle of clothing as the fusuma was slid open and the sun-glass wearing man entered the shop, right behind him was Ururu and a girl that seemed oddly familiar. I stood from my little cushion, "Oi, Tessai, is that a customer?"

The tall man stiffened for a moment, taking a cautious glance from me to her, "Yes…yes, she is. Please do take care of her while I go to wake the manager."

I nodded, "Got it."

As the burly man disappeared behind another door, I jumped down the small step where I was seated and took a look at the customer, "You…look familiar," I cocked my head to the side, eyes thoughtful, "Oh! You, you're the new student right?"

She stared back at me blankly me for a minute, her violet eyes were wide, and seemed to quiver in some masked emotion. "Yes, I'm Kuchiki Rukia, I transferred in the day you uh…passed out." Her voice was soft, and she seemed to avoid looking at me directly. I wanted to comment on how rude that was but decided to just ignore it.

"Haha, yeah sorry about that. That must have been a horrid first impression—some random student fainting on your first day."

She shook her head, in what seemed to be a half-hearted method. "No, it's fine really."

An awkward silence passed and I quickly went through possible ice-breakers in my head, "So, what did you come to buy?"

"Oh!" She glanced at her feet, I mentally sweat dropped, this girl either had seriously bad people skills or I just plain made her uncomfortable, "Well it's kind of like a bunny and you push it and candy comes out."

A light bulb instantly went off in my head, "I know exactly what you mean!" Heading to one of the nearby shelves I grabbed the item she described and walked back, "this right?"

Her small head snapped up and she stared at the candy dispenser, "Impossible…he wouldn't put soul candy out in the public would he?" She took it from my hand, inspected it and slowly pushed open the head…and out popped a hard, sweet PEZ. She blinked, and gave a tight smile, "I don't think that's what I'm looking for."

I gave her a frown, "Well PEZ, is the only thing I can think of that fits your description."

The tiny girl shook her head, "No it's okay…but, can I ask you a question?"

I shrugged my shoulders, popping a PEZ into my mouth, "Sure."

For the first time she rose her head to meet mine, "Yameru-san, what happened, years ago I thought you—"

There was a slam of a fusuma being snapped too hard and a rude, enormous yawn and out came sleepy Urahara, hat askew, cane dangling from his hand lazily, "Aw, Kuchiki-san, so sorry to keep you waiting, please come with me. And thank you, Yameru-chan for keeping our guest company." With that he ushered a rather gaping, protesting Rukia out of the room and into the "house" part of the shop.

I stood there, still confused. But soon enough, I shrugged it off, familiar with Urahara's odd, sudden outbursts and went back to doing that damned math homework. It took me five whole minutes to realize what the black haired girl had said right before Urahara had shown up. Years ago, she had said, but I don't remember meeting Kuchiki Rukia before. And I certainly don't remember ever telling her my name.

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Rukia glared at the blonde man in front of her, "What the hell, Urahara? I was in the middle of a conversation!"

The lanky man granted her a smile, "Yes, yes, yes. How _disgustingly_ rude of me! You have my deepest apologies." He gave her a mock bow, cane still hanging loosely from his hand.

The petite girl glared at him for a moment before sighing, "I came here for two reasons. First, I need some good, and fast."

Kisuke grinned, and whipped out a calculator that still had its 1,500 yen price tag stuck to it, "Naturally, I'm sure you did. And this would be…?"

The young noble crossed her arms across her chest, leaning against the nearest wall, "I need some soul candy, CHAPPY VERSION," she actually emphasized this by throwing a personal drawing of her beloved bunny at the shop owner's face, "As soon as possible. Some soul meds would be nice too."

Urahara nodded, hat bobbing on his head, typing away at the brand new calculator (secretly adding some digits whenever the girl wasn't looking), "And what grade would you like for those meds?"

She thought about it for a moment, calculating the amount of money she had with her in her head, "Cheapest ones you have."

He nodded, fingers flying happily across the pad, "Grade D it is, then," handing the girl little piece of paper with her amount due, he carefully slipped the calculator back into his pocket, "And your second reason for coming?"

Rukia's eyes narrowed as she handed the man the correct amount of yen, "You very well know why I'm still here Urahara."

He placed the calculator down, fan coming up to cover his unshaven face, "My, my whatever do you mean, Kuchiki-san?"

"Why is she here? Why is she still alive?" her eyes attempted to search through his, but all she found were shadowed, downcast orbs.

"What are you talking about, Kuchiki-san? I'm afraid I don't understand what you're saying. Please, do, explain whatever is the matter?"

"Why?!" The raven's teeth gritted, tired of his mockery, "Why the hell is she here? She was supposed to die, she's suppose to be dead!" The young Kuchiki glared at him, fists curling in her skirt, "She's gone…suppose to be gone."

"Please calm down, Kuchiki-san," he fanned himself, the slight breath of wind causing the tip of his hat to shift, "now, who is this "she" you speak of?"

"Don't fuck with me Urahara, "she was close to screaming now. She was frustrated and confused, and she hated being either, "Why is Shiba Yameru ten meters away, when she was executed decades ago? ANSWER ME."

The fan hid the disappearance of his smile, face shadowed more than usual, "Are you mad? That she's still here, that is."

Her small body slumped, arm falling to her sides, face downcast, "Of course I'm not…I just—why? How? I don't understand any of this." She lifted her head to his, voice nothing more than a harsh, accusing whisper, "Don't think you can get away with this, don't think you can play your damn games with her!"

Urahara, snapped his fan closed, fully displaying his tight lips, and solemn eyes, "Who ever said this was a game?"

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**Monday (approximately) **

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The corners of my mouth twitched, disbelief written all over my face, "So you're telling me that a sumo champion, had a gun, and shot his way into your house?"

Orihime nodded, head shaking to the point I was scared it might plop off her neck, "Yes, yes it's true Yameru-chan!"

I crossed my arms over my chest, "Uh huh…" and turned towards the other black-haired girl, "and you, Tatsuki, you're telling me you saw it too."

The martial arts master scratched her head sheepishly, "Yup, that's it."

I let out a laugh for real this time, "You have _got_ to be kidding me!"

Orihime wagged her finger at me, eyes wide and innocent, "No, no it's _true!_ He came in on a monster truck and started shooting lasers at my house."

I shook my head, grin plastered across my face, and that was when I spotted her in the corner of my eye. Kuchiki Rukia, that is. Just a moment ago she had been talking to Ichigo, but it seemed as if he had left to talk with someone else. Chad, was my guess—after all, Ichigo had mentioned that he wanted to try and play guitar, something Chad was surprisingly good at.

Waving goodbye to the two old friends, I pivoted on my heel and headed towards the short girl, "Hey, Kuchiki-san, what's up."

She rose her head, and for a moment I was almost shocked—at least she was starting to make eye contact. "Oh! Yameru-san, good to see you."

I mentally raised a brow; I don't remember her voice being that high-pitched before, "Uh huh…well how's school so far, hope I didn't ruin anything for you."

The tiny girl gave me a cheesy smile, "No, of course not Yameru-san! Everyone is so nice and friendly to me, I'm having lots of fu—"

"_**GIVE IT BACK."**_

She blinked, "Excuse me?"

I mentally slapped myself, hand coming up to rub at my throat, "Oh, I'm sorry…I don't know where that came from."

Her eyes narrowed slightly, suspicion clear in her eyes before she went all goo-goo on me again, "No need to apologize, Yameru-san! Everything is fine, weird things happen sometimes."

I nodded slowly, "Yeah…fine," gesturing towards the stairway that led down into the building, I spoke, "Uh, I'm going to go now. I have to…take care of something." Damn, talk about awkward.

She gave another one of her obviously fake, cheery smiles, "Bye Bye."

I sped walk down the stairs and leaned against one of the classroom doors. Where the hell did that come from? I rubbed at my throat again, that voice was definitely not mine. Sighing, and letting the concern drop for the time being, I pushed myself off the door and brought my elbow up to my mouth as a small fit of coughs escaped my mouth. Tightening my school jacket around me, I walked towards my home room, I must have gotten sick from leaving the window open or something. Oh well, it was nothing out of the usual.

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**Around a Month Later**

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Things…have changed in these past few weeks, ever since I met Kuchiki Rukia. Odd things have happened, and everything seems to have turned to chaos, my beloved peaceful life has flown out the window and disappeared into thin air.

In addition to Orihime's run in with the professional sumo wrestler who blew up her house, Chad got hold of an unlucky parakeet and came back to school with wounds for a couple days, a black cat has been stalking me, and Ichigo somehow jumped fifteen meters in the air and had kissed both Orihime and Tatsuki. Like I said, chaos.

I cursed as I messed up a stroke on one of my characters, and put the ink drenched brush down. I was usually good at this, but calligraphy needed an immense amount of control and concentration, and at the moment, I had none. I sighed and let my body fall backwards onto the matted floor of the Urahara Shoten.

Ichigo, he seemed to occupy my mind lately. He's been disappearing constantly out of nowhere, only to reappear with injuries and headaches—and every time, he was with Rukia. For some reason, the thought made my heart ache. I turned to my side, hair splattering the ground, it was probably just because I've been so worried, always concerned with rather or not something bad would happen to them. I was kept in the dark along with everyone, and that thought alone made my body cold, hands rigid.

Oh yeah, that's right. Today is June 17th—the day Ichigo's mother died. I remember when I first met the two of them. It was on the beach I think, I vaguely remember the feel of sand clinging desperately at my feet and the wind blowing, tangling my hair, and the smell of salt suffocating my lungs. I remember though, how we met. It was a shell, neat and simple and we had fought over it—being the tiny kids we were. But of course, up came Ichigo's parents, his father lecturing about manliness and courtesy, and his mom, all smiles.

She was beyond beautiful, beyond kind, beyond anything I would call perfect. Ichigo loved her, and for those couple years before her death…I loved her too—it was hard for anyone not to.

And today, today was June 17th and like ever year, Ichigo was gone with his family…and like every day, he was gone with Rukia. I frowned at the thought, and shook my head—I should seriously stop thinking about those two, after all, I had more important things to think of, the exams were in less than a week, and my body has been….less than healthy.

I glanced at the clock, eight p.m, my shift was over, and I gathered my scattered homework. Slowly I struggled to my feet, and instantly that wave of nausea hit me dead on, and I found myself toppling to the floor once more. I groaned and cursed. _That_ has been happening lately.

My body seems to hate me now, no matter how much sleep I get, no matter how healthy I am, energy won't push through my veins. Constantly, in these few weeks, I've been falling victim to random attacks of exertion and hacking coughs. It's almost as if, I'm being rejected by my own body.

Grabbing the last piece of inky paper, I leaned against a candy filled shelf for support and slowly dragged myself up, hands shaking with struggle. Back against the wooden shelf, I panted, already I felt exhausted, felt weak, useless—pathetic.

Slowly, I stumbled my way to the entrance, and shakily slipped my shoes on, and then, a fusuma opened behind me, revealing a smiling Urahara and usual, stiff Tessai.

"Ah, Yameru-chan, leaving already?" he let out a mock gasp of disdain, "You didn't even say goodbye yet!"

I chuckled, trying to make my voice level and controlled, "You act as if—as if, you cared."

Tessai frowned, taking a step forward, "Yameru-san, are you ill? How are you feelin—"

"I'm fine!" The words came out harsher and more desperate then they were supposed to.

He continued to question me, "Are you sure wouldn't prefer to stay here for the night?"

"Yes, I'm sure," I pressed a hand against the door frame, "but thank you for the offer."

With that, I clambered out the door, almost tripping over my own feet, anything to get away from them and their accusing eyes. Those eyes that could see through every single one of my lies, and it was frightening.

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Tessai turned to the ex-shinigami, "Sir…"

Urahara nodded, sighing and taking a seat on the step next to the shelves, "Yes, Tessai, it's time to change the gigai."

Tessai frowned, brows furrowed, "Already though? In the last cycle, it lasted at least twice as long."

The clog wearing man, just shook his head, "It must be because of her encounter with that Kurosaki boy, and Kuchiki-san, as well." He was silent for a moment, "But my most reasonable answer, is because I switched it out. Her body has grown so attached to it, so dependent, and for so long—it was a mistake on my part to remove it at all."

"Do not blame yourself, Kisuke."

The two men turned to the open door, where a black cat stared back at them with wide eyes.

"Yoruichi…"

The cat strutted forward, yellow eyes gleaming, "It's not your fault, you did it to help her, nothing more. It's not your fault that it didn't work out."

Urahara shook his head and brought the small body into his lap, gently stroking its head, "That's what she told me years ago, but look now. Now, her soul is on its verge of obliteration. If this is how I help people, then I'd rather stop instantly, Yoruichi. So you see, dear friend, _it is my fault._"

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I fumbled with the small ring of keys and stuffed one into the door knob, hands refusing to stay steady. It actually took five minutes to get into my own apartment, and I was beyond frustrated. Stumbling into the small room, I kicked off my shoes and dropped my bag onto the couch. Sighing at my body's inability to function normally I headed towards the miniature kitchen to continue on with my daily routine.

But, as I've discovered lately, daily routines did not exist anymore, normal, did not exist anymore. It was as I had gotten a drink of water that it happened, my knees started to shake, going weak, unable to support my weight. My body collapsed to the cold, tiled floor, cup dropping and water surrounded me, clinging to my legs and feet. I managed to crawl to my school bag on the couch. But then the coughs hit, the ones that racked my entire body, the ones that burned my throat and ripped at my chest. The coughs that felt as if someone was trying to rip your hearts out of your chest, as if your lungs were going to burst, and as if your body was going to explode. Eyes blurry with pain, trembling hands found their way to the brown bag, desperately, desperately searching. As the coughs started to subside, I found the small bottle, fragile fingers curling around its sides, slowly dragging it out. I had left the bottle of medicine, the type you got from convenience stores, in the school bag. I had decided to bring it with me when I discovered that the attacks didn't just happen at the sanctity of my home but everywhere I went, and its small pills promised short, but instant relief.

I twisted open the top of the white bottle, body still quaking, but then another attack hit, and I was on the ground, a spasm running through my body, chest shaking, pills scattering around me. I grabbed at them blindly, clutching at them with what strength I had left, and stuffed them into my dry, yearning mouth and swallowed them, and they burned their way down my throat and I lay there for minutes, as my body finally calmed down.

Exhausted, fatigued, both would have been an understatement to describe how I was feeling right now. I curled up into a ball, freezing arms wrapping themselves around wet legs. And I slept there, too tired to move, and too scared to say a word. It felt almost as if, I was going to die.

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**Two Days Later**

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I sat in the small, grey chair twirling around as I waited for Ichigo and his father to stop beating the crap out of each other. I was at the Strawberry's house today. I usually come over more often, around three times a month but lately everything seems to be way too hectic. I remember when I had asked him about coming over. He had looked somewhat shocked and worried, and I remember he had looked at Rukia before answering. It's always about Rukia these days. I let out a small laugh, I sounded so stupidly envious.

I stopped in mid-twirl and frowned at what I saw. In the corner of the bedroom was a guitar, I don't remember Ichigo being able to play one or even buying one before. There was a loud crash and Ichigo slammed open the bedroom door and shut it, panting, sweat pouring off his forehead. I blinked, "Was it that bad?"

He shrugged and took a seat on the bed, "Just the usual, though he did get a punch on me," he rubbed at his cheek, "A good one too."

I laughed out, as I saw the childish act, "Oi, Strawberry."

He gave me a half-hearted glare at the sound of the nickname, "What?"

I nodded my head towards the guitar, "When did you ever get that?"

He blinked his brown eyes, "I showed it to you and the others a few weeks back, don't tell me you don't remember."

I froze, body going stiff, "You…did?"

He nodded, the crease in his brow never lightening as always, "Yeah, I brought it to school—you sure you don't remember?"

I shook my head, mouth tight, "No…no I don't remember."

Ichigo leaned forward, elbows resting against his knees, "How odd, usually you remember everything."

I nodded, that crestfallen feeling engulfing me, "Yeah. Usually." That was right, Ichigo didn't know about the loss of my usual, of my normal. "Will you teach me to play, some day?"

"Sure," his messy orange hair bounced as he nodded his head, "Some day."

We started working in silence after that, studying for the exams that were in two days or so. I was so immersed in the work, trying to do anything to get my mind off the month's events, of the changes that threatened to drown us all. I was so immersed, that when Ichigo spoke, I actually jumped, scattering everything for the fifth time that week.

My eyes smoldered, with that feeling of tears threatening to erupt from frustration, so much frustration. I got to my knees as I picked up the papers, "Did you say something?"

He nodded as his auburn eyes watched me settle myself back into the grey chair, straightening the papers, "Yeah, I did. You said you wanted to tell me something right? The other day, you said so."

I blinked, that's right, I did. I had been so panicked, so desperate from the pain that I had ran to Ichigo the next day, saying I needed help, that I had to talk to him. But the pain has passed. I looked up at him, small, fake, smile playing on my lips, "No, nothing."

He looked at me for a moment, his forehead wrinkled, eyebrows pushed together, and lips in a frown as usual. I smiled at the thought; at least he still had his usual. "If you say so."

All of a sudden, a gasp escaped my lips, and Ichigo looks up, "Is something wrong?"

I shook my head, "No, no I'm fine. I just need to use the restroom." Without waiting for his reply, I headed out the room and down the hallway to the nearest bathroom. Locking the door, around me I let out a sigh of relief. It was that feeling again. The one I always get around Ichigo. It was as if I was being suffocated by some unknown force, like gravity was pushing down on me so hard that I was going to be crushed, and it hurt so bad. It was like the feeling I got around Kuchiki-san, except…with her, I felt as if I was missing something, something she had taken away.

My thoughts were blown from my head, as the coughs started again. In an instant, I brought my hand around my mouth, huddling over the sink, doing everything I could to muffle the blasted things. I couldn't, wouldn't let anyone else know about this, especially not Ichigo who was already burdened by his own concerns.

What hit me though, was the feeling in my hands, that feeling of liquid across my lips and the impact of that substance onto the palm clutched tightly to my face. My body tensed in fear, and slowly I brought the hand from my mouth and watched as the crimson trickled down between my feelings and splattering across the sink's white surface. I stood there, staring at the brilliant red, waiting for reality to strike me.

And it struck, _hard._

In a panic, I slammed on the faucet letting the water pump out at full force. The sound was deafening. I scrubbed at my hands franticly, then at the sink to erase that red from the pure white, insanity grabbing hold. The water splashed up as I scratched and tugged even after the red washed down the drain, everything had to go. Everything had to be removed, gone. No one could know. The tears were pouring now, out my eyes and onto my arms and hands that were stretched out in front of me, and I found myself sobbing—breath hitching, head leaned forward, banging against the mirror that lay there. . Is this my normal? Is this my life? Because if it is, I don't want it anymore—can't take this pain, can't take it. Don't want it, no. Don't want it. Erase me, kill me, but don't let me hurt anymore—no more hurt "No! No! No!" I whispered to myself in pitiful puffs of breath. Why? Why was everything going so wrong? In a second my world had flipped upside down, in a second I had lost everything, and I didn't know why.

After minutes of scrubbing to the point my hands felt raw, I relished in the feeling of fake purity. Wet, tear-stained cheeks pressed up against the splattered surface of glass, weight completely pushed against the counter, water still fighting its way down the silver drain—still pounding in my ears. I brought my face up, looking into my reflection with the mirror right above the sink. And again, again, again, again, that feeling of dread punched me in the stomach. In the clean white surface—it might have been from my panic, might have been from my fear, from my madness—but in that reflection, I saw two of me. Two Yameru's, two beings, two who looked exactly the same. And her lips moved, that other one's. No sound came out, but her words rang deep in my head, echoing over and over again, and for days it was all I could hear.

"I'm so sorry."

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Yay for Cliffies! (and bursts of insanity! WHOO!)

-Whistle- That took amazingly a lot shorter than I thought it would (happy happy joy joy) Hopefully, that wasn't as horrible as me and my imaginary friend thought it was

Mindless insults will be ignored, but all criticisms and advice will be accepted, thank you very, very much

Oh yes, and since people have been asking about it. Yes, the change of eye color WAS intentional, and there will be similar differences in the future, and keep track of them because they are SUPER important! And by the way, i got the whole guitar thing from watching Diamond Dust Rebellion, i noticed Ichigo had a guitar in his room.

Next chapter will take place again in the "before"

And remember to REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW, cuz when you do (unfortunately) updates come faster


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